Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is an American film actor/film producer/Scientologist/spirit demon who was played by Joe Pesci in the Path of the Emo episode "My pet Tristan!?".

Biography
Tom Cruise Mapother IV (yes, that's his legal name), also known as Furvonius (King of the Scientologists) is a film actor/producer/full time Scientologist. Although his physical body was not born until July 3rd, 1962, his spirit was born during the second Ice Age. This spirit, known as Furvonius, followed hunters for hours on end before possessing them and turning them gay. The evil spirit was eventually captured by Akasha Racka Muhammad the seventeenth in the year A.D. 623. Furvonius was held in a jar for 1,339 years before escaping and infecting a young fetus named Tom Cruise. Cruise knew he had only one mission from the day he was born: turn everybody into Scientologists. Cruise was successful in this mission, turning many famous actors such as John Travolta and Michael Peña into scientologists. All seemed to be going well until the famous South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet" aired in mid-November of 2005. The episode satirized Scientology and Tom Cruise's gayness brilliantly. Cruise was not happy with this and ended up killing both Matt Stone and Trey Parker. After being caught on camera killing the two creators of South Park, everybody turned away from Scientology. Furvonius was angered by this and ended up killing many actors that turned away from Scientology (these actors included the likes of Michael Peña, John Travolta, Nancy Cartwright, Jason Lee, Elisabeth Moss, and Jeffrey Tambor). Cruise was locked away in jail before escaping and recreating the Church of Scientology (now the Cathedral of Scientology) in 2017. Many people flocked back to the Church. Cruise was happy. Unfortunately, he was too happy to notice the giant fucking light that Not Bowser used to accidentally crush him.

Behind the scenes
Richard Ramirez tried several times to get Tom Cruise to play himself. Unfortunately, Cruise refused every time, saying that the series was "anti-Scientology" and "incredibly inappropriate". Ramirez responded by tricking him into getting hit by a bus. Despite news coverage and incriminating security footage, Ramirez easily bailed himself out and continued making content for several more years. Because Ramirez could not think of an actor to play Cruise, Ramirez asked Chris Rock who he should cast. Chris Rock, being high as fuck at the time, recommend Goodfellas actor Joe Pesci to play Cruise because, in his words, "That nigga as chill". Pesci was casted as Cruise immediately afterwards.

Because Cruise was only in one episode of the series, Ramirez thought that killing Pesci in real life would be a good idea because "we don't need the old bastard anymore". Joe Pesci died after being crushed by a light in the Church of Scientology.